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From Faith to Doubt and Back Again

 

Science From Its First Drops Through Its Quantum Wonder

 

by Dr. Clayton Hess MD MPH

 

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My life, as a successful radiation oncologist, father, physician, loyal truth seeker, and a hobbyist theoretical physicist, is defined by my ongoing synthesis of science, faith, and service, and the struggle that comes from the juggle -- all combined with a deep love for my pioneer roots and heritage.

 

My journey of finding faith again through doubt was profoundly catalyzed by my deep engagement with the most unsettling truths of modern physics: the non-deterministic nature of Quantum Field Theory (QFT) and the experimental confirmation of quantum entanglement, which earned the 2022 Nobel Prize in Physics. This understanding forms the foundation of my return2.church movement. I root it in the reinterpretation of the universe's fundamental uncertainty not as a failure of determinism, but as a demonstration of a profound, non-local reality that is fully compatible with a purposeful Creator.

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The Scientific Underpinnings of My "Pixelated Reality"

As a proud and well-published scientist, I found my previous, more deterministic worldview fundamentally challenged by two core concepts: 1. Quantum Field Theory (QFT) and the Loss of Determinism: Quantum Field Theory (QFT) is the mathematical framework for contemporary particle physics, extending quantum mechanics to fields (Kuhlmann & Stöckler, 2018). It forms the basis of the Standard Model and dictates that the universe is fundamentally granular and "fuzzy," not continuous and predictable (NIST, n.d.). The Uncertainty Principle: Inherited from quantum mechanics, QFT maintains the principle that nature imposes a fundamental limit on how precisely I can simultaneously measure certain pairs of properties (NIST, n.d.). This principle embeds uncertainty at the very heart of existence.

 

For me, the universe described by QFT is one where definite values for all physical quantities do not exist until measurement. Instead, probabilities are built directly into the theory's structure (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2016). The notion that reality is fundamentally probabilistic and observer-dependent led me to the philosophical conclusion that the physical world is less of a solid, pre-written book and more of a "pixelated," constantly emerging projection.

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The 2022 Nobel Prize in Physics and Non-Locality:

The 2022 Nobel Prize was awarded to Alain Aspect, John Clauser, and Anton Zeilinger for experiments involving entangled photons, which definitively established the violation of Bell inequalities (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2004). This experimental confirmation was central to my own theological turning point. Bell's Theorem and Local Realism: John Bell's theorem showed that no theory adhering to the principle of "local realism"—the classical idea that influences cannot travel faster than light and that physical properties exist independently of being measured—can reproduce the predictions of quantum mechanics (Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy, 2004).

 

The Nobel-winning experiments confirmed the violation of Bell's inequalities, proving that the universe is either non-local (meaning spatially separated entangled particles are instantaneously correlated) or non-realist (meaning their properties are not definite until measured, challenging the notion of an objective, independent reality). For many, including me, the quantum world's non-locality suggests "supraluminal connections" and points to phenomena that emerge "somehow, from outside of space-time" (Penberthy, n.d.; Kupczynski, 2016).

 

Finding Faith Through the Scientific "Mystery" My return to faith—and the foundation of the Church of Faith and Reason—is the realization that these scientific mysteries are, in fact, the greatest evidence for a transcendent and all-encompassing intelligence.

 

The Theological Leap: Rather than seeing QFT's uncertainty and quantum non-locality as undermining my faith (as the rise of science has often been credited with propelling secularization), I re-framed them as the very mechanism of the divine (Priest, 2024). The universe is not a perfectly wound, deterministic clock (the kind of universe that Albert Einstein famously said God "doesn't play dice" with), but a dynamic, inherently unpredictable, and deeply interconnected system (Helland, 2022).

 

The "Pixelated Reality" as Divine Action:

The universe's non-local connections suggest a foundational unity and interconnectedness that transcends the limits of space and time. For me, this "God's-eye view" of reality is the ultimate expression of a Global Consciousness or the presence of the Holy Trinity itself, on which physical reality depends (Priest, 2024). The "pixelated reality" is the universe continuously being actualized, a living expression of a God who is not confined by the deterministic limits of the very creation he made possible.

 

A Harmonious Integration:

The reformation movement I lead is built on this belief: that the most rigorous, experimentally verified facts of science—the seemingly "absurd" or "counter-intuitive" nature of quantum reality—do not contradict a spiritual conviction, but instead provide its elegant, mathematical underpinnings.

 

My life's work, its tragedy, and the struggle between church and science is a testament to the belief that Faith and Reason can, and must, build together.

 

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    --Clayton Hess

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References

​Helland, I. S. (2022). On religious faith, Christianity, and the foundation of quantum mechanics. European Journal of Theology and Philosophy, 2(1), 10–17. [DOI:10.24018/theology.2022.2.1.59](https://doi.org/10.24018/theology.2022.2.1.59)

Kuhlmann, M., & Stöckler, M. (2018). Quantum Field Theory. In The Philosophy of Quantum Physics (pp. 221–262). Springer International Publishing. [DOI:10.1007/978-3-319-78356-7_6]

(https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-78356-7_6)

Kupczynski, M. (2016). Can we close the Bohr–Einstein quantum debate? Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society A: Mathematical, Physical and Engineering Sciences, 375(20160392). [DOI:10.1098/rsta.2016.0392](https://doi.org/10.1098/rsta.2016.0392)

NIST. (n.d.). 5 Concepts Can Help You Understand Quantum Mechanics and Technology — Without Math!

Penberthy, J. S. (n.d.). Reading the “Paradoxical Book of Bell:” A Case Study in Theology and Science. Nottingham ePrints.

Priest, S. (2024). Quantum Physics and the Existence of God. Religions, 15(1), 78. [DOI:10.3390/rel15010078](https://doi.org/10.3390/rel15010078)

Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (2004). Bell's Theorem. Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. (2016). Philosophical Issues in Quantum Theory.